Joke Labour 'leadership' candidate fuck Jeremy Judas Corbyn has announced plans to make men sit at the back of the train in case they sexually outrage women.
"For far too long women have had to live with the incredibly unlikely possibility that some fucknut in their train carriage might grope them, stick his hand up their skirt or slap them then tell them to get their knickers on and make him a fucking sandwich. Well no more I say! Now women will be safely segregated away from men in trains, airplanes and offices just like jolly old Saudi Arabia." Corbyn told our roving newbot today.
Further measures announced by 'Mr' Corbyn included segregated bathrooms, segregated restaurants, and workplaces. Anything to ensure that one fuckhead douchebag rapist or pervert can't sexually outrage a women. However not everyone was happy with 'Mr' Corbyn's suggestions, and they are suggestions because let's face it he's NEVER going to be prime minister, I've got more chance of being Prime Minister than this arseclown.
You see, there are at least two major problems with this idea, one is that it implies that somehow rape and sexual assault is inevitable if you mix the sexes, the second problem is that it would make all men feel like black people in 1950's fucking Alabama. I'm sure Jeremy is a nice guy, to the extent than a man called Jeremy can be nice, but his ideas are fucking crap and insulting to both men and women. Further, men are about half the population, if you keep pissing them off they'll eventually go on strike and shut the economy down indefinitely.
'Mr' Corbyn's other crap ideas include.
Withdrawing from NATO then immediately being invaded by Russia.
Introducing a tax on the male penis to fund 'reparations' for women oppressed by the patriarchy.
The decommissioning of all British nuclear weapons.
The decommissioning of all British none nuclear weapons.
The return of Argentina to the Falkland Islands.(Are you SURE that's the right way around? Ed.)
Teaching white male school kids to be ashamed of who they are, while telling women and minorities they're the best thing since jam was invented.
Northern Ireland to be returned to the Irish Republic regardless of if those potato eating pouges even fucking want it back. It's yours Paddy, fucking deal with it.
The removal of men in leadership positions in government, public sector and private sector and replacement with green or blue haired femonazi idiot chucklefucks who have not the faintest cocking idea what the flying fuck they're doing.
A land grab, er I mean tax where land is taken from rich people then given to poor people from cities who are to farming what Stan Collymore is to discretion.
Every politician to receive a free NHS pair of glasses that actually fucking fit their head so they won't have to gurn over their spectacles like they work at fucking Hogwarts School of Satanic Bullshit and Magical Faggotry.
The reintroduction of wolves, bears and lions to the UK.(Are we SURE about that last one? Lions? Ed.)
It further emerged today that Jeremy Corbyn wasn't even supposed to be running for leader, he was in fact nominated by the other candidates when they went out on a bender together.
"Yeah, to be honest myself Andy Burnham, and Yvette Cooper went out on the piss then we decided to nominate Jeremy for a bit of a prank, unfortunately the next day we received his acceptance letter and CV in the mail, his CV was printed in comic sans. Fuck, what have we done?" Acting Labour party leader Harriet Harperson told our roving newsbot today.